Guest Post: Dragon*Con Day 1

This is a guest post by Stephanie Burke describing the first day of Dragon*Con. I was going to do it, but she already did, so why re-invent the wheel.

Tales of Dragon Con… Day 1!

Dragon con Tales, Dragon Con Tales! Lets all have some Dragon Con talllleeeessss!!!!! *g*

Thursday Morning… the beginning

It was a dark and chilly night. The kids were all nestled in their beds… threatening to give beating and withhold food works really well on the High school Teenager. Who would have thunk it? LOL

But I was getting ready… ready for Dragon Con

It had been a particularly difficult week, Truck needed an alignment and tires and I needed sleep and cash. Trust me, you don’t make a lot working for tips in a strip club unless you are taking your clothing off.

I refuse to do that. I am a Bathroom attendant and make-up artist. Along with my Partner in crime, D Renee Bagby, we ensure that the dancers are sanitized and beautiful. Lets face it, when the customer makes it rain on them, they make it rain on us.

But unfortunately the problem is rain. That stupid hurricane to be exact. She made it rain and the guys decided on internet porn, I guess. They were not coming out like the horny little bastards they generally are. So our tips were low. So that meant I had shuffle bills to make ends meet, and they barely did.

And some of them are cheap bastards too! Remind me to tell you of the guy who invented Voice Mail and how that meeting went. I am suitably unimpressed, believe you-me! And what they did with that poor dog! OYE! LOL

So we worked nights almost up until it was time to leave, and then the rest day was given over to bleaching my hair again (I’m a platinum blonde once more thanks to the wonders of peroxide and bleach) and the Truck Shuffle. I was supposed to be driving.

Though a series of very much related events, new tires were procured for the White Beast of Road Travel (I love my Explorer), but Renee decided to use her car instead.

Which brings us to 4 in the am. The moon flowers were in full bloom, the sky was a velvety purple, my connect between sleep and awake had long since disappeared (three days 6 hours of sleep…it was not pretty. It was giggly.), And Renee showed up to play Tetris.

Ah, Tetris. It’s how you fit everything into her Yaris! LOL But I placed my thermos of Hot Tea in the cop holder and played with Renee for a few moments. Not like that you perves! Sigh! WE packed the car and then it was on to Dragoncon…by way of VA to pick up The Artist Currently Known as Liz.

We talked as be drove through the bruise colored night… well, we sang parodies, yapped, gossiped in the most kind way possible, and generally had the only kind of fun that two people who understand each other can have. I mean, I don’t care that her characters try to invade her bed at night and play with her cats, mess around with her I Pod and her hard drive, and make crank calls to Istanbul not Constantinople — and she don’t care that mine take over my brain for long periods of time so they can do the Macarena with my Medulla Oblongata while speaking in tongues and giving me the oddest plot lines. That’s how friendship works.

And it was still working when we pulled through (I shit you not) Powhite, VA to get to The Artist Currently Known as Liz in her own small burg. Yes people, Po White! Apparently the town lobbied to get the name officially recognized as Pow- Hite, said it was some Indian Word that had the local Powhatan Indians (Yes, from the Pocahontas stories) laughing their collective asses off at the idiots and probably looking at them like they were three year olds making up words.

You should see the imagery in my head. It’s…something else. Pardon me while I choke on my laughter!

Po-White aside, snicker, we arrived when it was still dark to pick up The Zombie temporarily Known as the Artist Currently Known as Liz.

And I thought I was not a morning person! LOL Liz  BRAINNNNNSSSSS-ed it out to the car with her luggage, a bottle of juice that she had to run back for, and a Daddy who was really nice and not put out at all by the bunch of lunatics taking his precious daughter away. In face, he gave us advice on the best way to get out of town… Hey Liz? Did your Daddy have a adult party with drinking, food, and dancing while we were gone? Damn! He probably had people waiting around to corner for the taillights to disappear. It would have been a perfect time to throw a We Survived the Hurricane and my Daughter is Gone combo celebration!  I bet we missed out on a great one, dag nab it!

Anywho… away we went, Renee, The Artist Currently Known as Liz, and I, off for merry adventure and costuming hijinx.

And that Joy lasted all of twenty minuets when Renee’s car started making a thumping sound like she had run over Swamp Thing and he was attached to her rear axle pounding for help or slowly being rolled into so much algae.

WE pulled in for a look-see at Cracker Barrel, (When you are on the road, CB is a necessity!!!) and decided to take it into a shop before we continued…after breakfast. IT is the most important meal of the day! And the stop would allow us time to watch Rush Hour pass us by.

Breakfast was perfect and we had fun joking the cleaning posters on the wall in the section we were sitting (I mean really! If a lighthouse is going to take the trouble to walk all the way to my house and lean inside my house to point out where the dirt is hiding and hand me a bucket o’ cleanser and sponge, then it can damn well help me clean!) and just having Renee, The Dragon Con Veteran of one year tell us all about it. And of course there was the sex, candy, food, and penis I would run screaming from conversations as well.

After a good and filling breekie, we made our way back to the car and Swamp Smoothie was still there. SO we limped the car into a Good Year. Good thing too, because we soon discovered what was wrong. And that was after scaring the locals with our book covers and tales of conventions past. Giggle.

The problem… the care that Renee just has serviced had one major problem. The service had not tightened the lugs that held the tire in place.  Yeah, we were driving on the highway on borrowed tire time.

Good thing we go that checked!

But after a round of good bye’s, those people in that shop loved us, we were on our way.

And we were driving, and driving, and driving, stop for Starbucks, and driving some more.

Then almost magically, we entered Atlanta… Okay, our butts were sore and there really was a dead skunk on the side of the raod somewhere.. but we were there.

And then The Artist Currently Known as Liz gave us GPS directions. Renee wanted to try them and not the paper ones I was holding and navigating with. So we proved that GPS is an evil monster that must have really wanted to fuck with T.A.C.K.A. Liz. We wound up in the Ghetto! And I mean The Ghetto! There were arrests,  pot holes, and, crack heads, and the Holiday Inn was a empty lot. But TACKA Liz was not about to be defeated by mere machinery… plus we all had to go potty. She forced the GPS into compliance and navigated using a combo of satellite technology and printed-paper to get us where we needed to be! Success!

WE pulled in, Checked in, and took turns unburdening our bladders. I for one don’t want another surgery any time soon in that area, shudder, so we took our time and everyone had a turn.

But first, we were misdirected to the wrong room, someone was already in there, then directed to a room where the keys worked but the door stuck, and we were on the smoking floor. Was supposed to be a couples thing, Renee and her baby boy, me with mine, but Real life. And Renee booked thinking that Den still smoked. He has been off his ciggies for almost 2 years, but Renee forgot. So we had a slightly fragrant room! LOL

But who cares! This is Dragon Con! Rooms are for collapsing after you went beyond all endurance!!!! WHOOO HAAAAA!!!!

So we collected our cash and walked past everyone in the pre registration line! LOL The extra 30 bucks in a convince fee! We didn’t have to stand in line for a few hours. Fifteen minuets and most of that was walking along the empty corded area to reach the lonely people taking cash! LOL

Then it was back to the hotel for Jacuzzi and a drink before the first day of the most funnest con in Georgia began!  YEAH!

Have You Been Flashed?

Stephanie Burke

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